ib3

Naturally, I try to write immediately after a cig for its buzz (immediacy, as necessary to writing). I like the feeling more than marijuana, though I do need to shit after almost every smoking break. Regular air isn't enough anymore. And there's some beauty to the glow of a cigarette, as well as the kind of confidence it bestows, like a pair of brass knuckles makes someone secure to where their relaxed and clear impression lends a dangerous beauty. Or like a wasp. I'm babbling. Nicotine.

Returning home from Nine Roses and a satisfying meal, I lit a cigarette and admitted to Rudy my new habit. He and Rob poked at me for it, and the explanation I had ready at hand was, "I'm curious," though I also had to admit how silly ("douchebag") it was to say so. It doesn't matter, I'm enjoying it, and some insight is starting to accumulate. I don't know if I'm above the addiction, as I did before.